#lol – laugh off the credit crunch

Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on Northern Rock in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan. In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived. While Samurai Bank are soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank are reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black. Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.

How do you define optimism? A banker who irons 5 shirts on a Sunday.

An elderly lady receives an e-mail from the son of a deceased (but wealthy) African general, asking whether he could transfer millions of pounds into her bank account in return for a 20% cut. All the son needs is the sort code and account number. Not realising she is the victim of a Nigerian 419 fraud, she e-mails back the details. A couple of minutes later she receives an e-mail back from the general’s son: ‘Icesave?!’ What is this, some sort of scam?”

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, and then turned in the cans for recycling, you would have $214.00. Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. This is called the 401-Keg Plan.

What’s the difference between Investment Bankers and London Pigeons? The Pigeons are still capable of making deposits on new BMW’s

What’s the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four.

For Geography students Only: What’s the capital of Iceland? Answer: About Three Pounds Fifty…

Latest news, the Isle of Dogs Building Society has collapsed. They’ve called in the retrievers.

Quote of the day (from a trader): “This is worse than a divorce. I’ve lost half my net worth and I still have a wife.”

Talked to my bank manager the other day and he said he was going to concentrate on the big issues from now on. He sold me one outside Boots yesterday!

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About paulgreen
Paul Green is an experienced business expert in strategy, business planning, sales performance and assessment, as well as leadership development. He is the founder partner of UK Business Advisors, Fellow of the Institute for Independent Business and a Personal Business Advisor for Effective Business Group. He is author of "50 Essential Business Advice Tips To Prevent Your Business From Failing" - free download is available by clicking on the following link: http://www.paulgreen.biz/success_tips.htm

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